Infant-toddler mental health.
Infant-toddler mental health refers to how optimally a child develops psychologically, socially and emotionally from birth to age three. The health of an infants mind, body, parent-child relationship (attachment) and environment determines the child’s capacity to experience, regulate and express emotions, form close and secure relationships and to develop exploration and learning skills.
Relational security is the hidden variable.
Understanding and promoting infant-toddler mental health is the key to preventing and treating the mental health problems of very young children. When we put relational security first, we are giving a little human a more secure base from which to grow into a healthy and optimally developed adult. Research continues to show the link between early childhood relational experiences and the quality of life, health, relationships and happiness a person experiences. We now know that SO many things are linked with childhood safety, security and quality of attachment some of which include; intelligence, cardiovascular health, gut health, relationship success, emotional intelligence, mental health and even lifespan.
What is the cornerstone of infant and toddler mental health?
I will try not to be too definitive in the future (not knowing things is something I will write a blog about later - curiosity) however, because decades of research has backed this, I will write this with some gusto and authority! The cornerstone of infant-toddler mental health is the quality of the parent-child relationship. This is also known as attachment, however this concept has been convoluted with well meaning but misinformed parents and the plethora of bloggers, authors, coaches and even “experts” in parenting (see this article for more on the confusion between attachment parenting and attachment theory). The cornerstone of the cornerstone (for lack of a better metaphor) of infant-toddler mental health is not what you’d expect but at the same time it is quite obvious; It is a parents capacity for reflection. I know, this isn’t what you wanted to hear is it?! Isn’t it about how dedicated you are? How responsible you are? or how many opportunities you give your child? Actually, no. What the attachment research shows is;
A parent’ capacity to reflect on themselves, their own parents and childhood, their own intentions, motives and actions (mistakes and failures too) and…
Their capacity to reflect on their child’s mind, emotions and behaviours, is the path to secure attachment.
One amazing thing about therapy is that by definition and design, it provides a safe space to reflect, free from judgement and shame. A brave and purposeful space to see the difference between intentions and impact, to see oneself in the mirror, and yet be accepting and show loving kindness to oneself is the beginning of great parent-child relationships.
When we feel secure, we can let go!
Oh the freedom to be a child! To express ourselves fully without fear or shame, and explore our big and small environments with a sense of safety, support and freedom.
Although all children have different temperaments (such as slow to warm up, feisty or flexible), when children can trust that their parent will consistently respond to them in a way that helps them understand their emotions (feeling felt or truly being “seen”) they begin to feel the confidence to become more fully who they are and they are more likely to have strong identity, pride in (not shame of) their minds and emotions, and they have a stable “working model” (they internalize their parents responses) throughout their childhood. This extends to their adult life to help them navigate the highs and lows of life with stability, agency and mastery!
